Resting into Happiness

Softening into the joyful moments in our lives requires vulnerability. – Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

I have begun to practice relaxing into happiness. I have noticed in the past a nervousness that comes with goodness. A sense of responsibility that I’d better keep doing whatever it was I’d been doing so that this lasts. And then there’s the angst that I don’t know what it was I had been doing in the first place, so I’m not sure how to maintain it exactly.

A few years ago, I started looking with the Compulsion Inquiry* to see if there was a command to maintain the state I was in. I’d drop in the body and look at the anxious feelings and find out, directly, if there was a command there. Did the energy literally tell me I had to keep being happy? What a bully that energy would have been! But it didn’t actually say that. There was no command to be found, and I was simply free to be happy AND relaxed at the same time. Imagine that!

Knowing that I have started to feel really ungrounded when things have been going well in the past, and knowing I can tend to go that way (out of the body, not sleeping so well, eventually falling apart over it all), I’ve started to rest more in the feelings when they come.

I center and ground myself and breathe. I feel my feet on the floor. I scan the body for sensations. And I open my arms, relax, and declare:

I am always increasing my capacity for happiness and good in my life.

I normalize the miracles and goodness.

I might sometimes add details like love, wealth, health, peace, etc. Whatever is relevant in the moment. I relax into it. I do this both at random times and at times when there are specific exciting happy feelings coming through.

I learned from my brilliant friend, Kat Dawes, founder of and Promoter of the Present Moment at Nowism, to prepare my nervous system ahead of time for the exciting things to come. In those situations in the past where the momentum was all around me but I couldn’t handle the success yet, this was the issue. My body/mind wasn’t ready. Now I intentionally relax into it more and more. And it does take this vulnerability Brené Brown talks about. We have to be present and attuned to what’s happening for us so that we can grow gently along with it and so that we can be gentle with our sweet human systems along the way.

Happiness doesn’t have to be stressful, nor does it have to be manic. Peace can prevail, even in the most exciting times.

Remember when Oprah called Eckhart Tolle to tell him that she’d chosen A New Earth as her book club choice, and, not only that, but that she wanted to do a twelve week series with him? And he simply said, in his Eckhart way, “Yes . . . “? (Okay, pretend you can hear his non-attached voice here.) Heck, I still get excited and love to share good news. I’m just getting used to it, and it doesn’t surprise me as much anymore.

I’m up to things that are stretching me, and I intend to continue to relax into this ease and greatness. Resting with my happiness, relaxing into the vulnerability and authenticity of the moment, trusting rest all the way . . . When I remember, of course. 🙂 And of course, rest never goes anywhere. We can touch it any time, no matter how exciting.

_ _ _ _ _ _

* From Scott Kiloby’s Living Inquiries

Rest from the Mighty Smart Phone

I got to receive an excellent Compulsion Inquiry (CI)* session today from someone who was in my last facilitator training. He did great, and I was happy to pass him on his session. We looked at the compulsion to be using the phone all the time, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling all the time, grabbing it absentmindedly at every stop light, opening up Facebook at every commercial or whenever on hold. I just wanna say, I soooo recommend the CI. Especially with a thoughtful and thorough facilitator like I had today.

It has affected even using the computer. I did a quick FB look to see if there have been any replies to any of the awesome things I’ve posted today, and then I easily turned it off. No desire at the moment to scroll. In fact, it took a little something to lean in and write this post, but it felt useful and important.

It’s not like a should or shouldn’t, it’s just that I start to feel out of balance. I want to be able to take it or leave it with my compulsions, especially around electronics. Not be totally led around by it.

Living Inquiries are a great entry into trusting rest. Big thanks to my trainee (almost graduate now!) today. Great job!

p.s. a good friend of mine here in town told me today that she continues to get benefit from an Inquiry session we did several weeks ago. It’s a good day for LI in my world!

* (from Scott Kiloby’s Living Inquiries)

It’s Been Worth the Exploration, For Sure

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now, and I’m happy to say that I’ve come through it very well. As I write today, all is well. I continue to feel more and more peaceful and I prioritize low-stress. As much as I can, anyway. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m willing to look. Even now as I sit here typing, I’m feeling some sensations in my body that I’ve written about (every 28 days or so) throughout this year. Sometimes they really take me out, these  pains. This month, I came into it expecting things to go better. I’ve been doing two things differently: taking my vitamins (including B12) much more often, and practicing Reiki. I find that just knowing that I can treat myself relaxes me in the moment, and so I’m already not gripping too hard against the pain. Am I having some? Yes. And I feel more relaxed. I have time and space to rest right now. I have a heating pad that I may get when I’m finished writing if it’s still aching. I just came back from a walk — something else that’s going my way — and so I know that I’ve moved my energy today, and that feels right.

I’m not saying I won’t jump up and grab an Advil either. This isn’t really so much about the cramps, per se, as it is to say, my mood has been good, my mind has been quiet, and things that often have affected me on-goingly have passed by quickly once the subject is dropped.

AND I am never one to say always or forever or never. I mean, I know too much about living and changes and moods and states to suggest that I won’t go through a big upheaval of emotion any minute now. But I will say that my faith is strong these days. It’s natural. I also laregly credit that looking-in-the-mirror-loving thing. Something in that breaks down ideas of separation in some sort of paradoxial way. I mean, who does it make sense to address a self and have it disappear at the same time?

Well it doesn’t matter how. I just dig it. So lots of really sweet, loving, open energy flowing through and around. I feel full of possibility and have evidence to back it up. As good things happen, I rest into my good cheer, always allowing my nervous system to catch up, relax, and open up to increase its capacity for happiness and goodness, love and abundance, creativity, health and wellness.

Trusting rest was a really good idea, for sure. It wasn’t really a choice though.

And P.S. that wave of pain passed. Let it ride.

A Long Post, but Sweet

Today I cut my toe nails. I sat on a step outside with a towel under my feet and clipped my little growing things that I’ve been wanting to clip for days.

Yesterday I julienned a sweet potato, now ready to be made into baked yummy fries. The potato had sat on counters and traveled with me for a few weeks, at least. I felt some agitation when I looked at it until yesterday when I stopped and questioned the agitation. I looked right at it the vegetable to see if it contained a command to cook it. Huh. It didn’t. That’s weird, but cool, I thought.

And lo and behold, soon after, i find myself with my knife in my hand, cutting the thing into ample matchsticks, and saying to myself how easy it [was].

I have felt that same type of inner drive sensation today. I want to write my 1000 words and get them over with (gosh that truly sounds uninspired, but there it is). I’ve been wanting to make puppets as gifts for my mom and sister, and I’ve been anxiously staring at some ribbons I use for hair that are sitting on the table. I haven’t had the energy or momentum to make a puppet — just a bit of angst. Mother’s Day is coming up in a few days. I guess they wouldn’t have arrived by then anyway. But that’s worth a look, too. Do those shiny, curly things on the table contain a command to make a puppet?

They do seem so, a little bit.

That simply means I’m feeling a reaction to what I’m seeing combined with that question. And so I may rest and feel my sensations directly and not rush to any conclusion or specific question or anything at all. Just let my body be open and rest here. (No, no command found in that feeling either.)

I’m aware today of that feeling, like a stream steadily running under ground, of must-keep-moving.

This morning during Morning Pages, I offered myself another opportunity to play with some 10s, like I did last summer. This time, rather than six or more, I gave myself three. Three 10s for the next three days (including today), as I will move location on the fourth day.

1. 10 minutes of cleaning. I have found myself rushed and stressed on the days I’m leaving here, getting hungry and always taking longer than I had planned to get the place in tip top shape. Plus my friend told me I’d missed a few spots before, so I really want to make it nice. I ended up doing more like 45 minutes (dusting only), but I did it well and was relaxed and I’m really glad to have that done. But I would only have “had” to do 10, according to this plan.

2. 10 minutes of tying up loose ends. My intention today was to cut my toe nails (done!!) and sort out my Netflix account (cancel mine, email my people who share it with me, log in to the friend’s who has offered to share his now). I didn’t get that all completed, but I did chat with a friendly guy at N’flix and get the information I needed and send a relevant email. Good job, me! Also the guy at N’flix said I could strike up a conversation with their PR department to see if they would like to do some doodling.

3. 10 minutes of meditation/rest. Amen and hallelujah. I so often don’t realize how much I miss that little bit of in the moment wind down that a fully committed 10 (+) minutes gives. For years I did so much “resting in awareness” and LI sessions, I didn’t feel drawn to sitting. Nowadays, I find it so soothing, familiar, fresh and helpful. And clarifying. It helped me see to come here to write first and then go on to the 1000 words. I may even take a lot of this (we’re at 656 and counting) and transfer it over. Or something of the ilk.

And also that little meditation helped me see/feel more clearly that impulse to be doing doing doing. It has a bit of fear beneath it and a bit of separation anxiety. But all is well and there is neither anything to fear or anything separate.

A long post, but sweet. xx

Happy for a Chill Day

A few days ago, while setting things up on my schedule, I purposely blocked today off. I wrote Artist Date across the day’s entry and didn’t allow anything else to get on it. I slept in for the first time in ages. I caught up on The Voice. I doodled. I made my one social media post today — announcing tomorrow’s Doodle Booth. I wrote my Morning Pages out here on the beautiful porch in the breezy, easily overcast afternoon. I wrote about 1400 words in my book, and I wrote about what a difference it was to be writing on this just grey, perfect temperature quiet afternoon in daylight on the porch versus when I’m falling into bed at night, squeezing the writing in because I’m committed to it, but it doesn’t get to be in the front row when I’m also teaching classes and Doodling with Strangers and facilitating Inquiry sessions and hosting private doodling classes and you know, living. The hustle, I sometimes call it. The working to get by. Like I said, not that I don’t love how I’m unfolding in time in this life and what work there is to be done. It’s just a different flavor of a day when the stuff that’s been squeezed into wherever it can fit gets to come out languidly and with a bit of daylight on it.

This morning I noticed what a strange feeling this was. To have no obligation for the day (although some niggling to-dos have been coming around, and maybe they’ll be for tomorrow. There’s definitely no forcing anything here today), and to have plenty of money for food, so no hustle like that necessary (if ever at all, and isn’t that the question?). What a relief! What a freedom. It’s been awesome, and I’m looking forward to a good dinner and a continuation of relaxation as the evening comes on.

But, yes, to get to do writing (or make art or make up songs or create puppets or write letters or simply look out from this second story porch to witness all of the arrayed bird life happening in the trees) without any strain or should or obligation choking back the energy: it’s just been awesome and enlightening.

Awesome Way to Start the Day!

Hello loves! I had the wonderful fortune of starting the day leading the Sunday REST Room call! It’s amazing how that kicks of such openness. I got to follow it up by facilitating a Living Inquiries session, which uses resting as its base, so I feel as well (or as friendly in the body, I could say), as I’ve felt in days. Highly recommended!

If you would like a recording of today’s 45 minute guided resting call, you can register at this link as if you were signing up for the call, and I will email you the recording link.

Wishing you all a sweet evening. The calls are great at bedtime too.

Love, love!

I Wonder, and Then . . .

So I wonder what this trusting rest business has to do with how beautifully this inner-guided path is unfolding? And then I can rest, and allow all of these words and the feelings with them to come all the way through, and everything can just chill.

On-line/Off-line

Super quick message. Friend needs to turn off her internet in a few minutes so getting tasks done now. All is so well. And I’m so tired. And I’m doing well having reduced my email and FB checking to (close to) twice a day. I think the first day, I really stuck to it. I’ve been a little loser but not much. I really want to be more efficient with such things at the moment. That is, I have found that my days are so full that I don’t want to give any energy away to anything that’s not supporting and fulfilling my well-being. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with email or FB, and, of course, I have loved using Facebook and likely still will, but it feels empowering to practice re-wiring my brain (and feeling my feelings and riding out the ghost images and impulses) and taking myself back from the zombie control of the immediacy of social media. I don’t know what the balance looks like. This is a new frontier!

And with that, I’m off! Love love and see you tomorrow!

xx

Love, Love

I’m so crazy tired, my darlings, and have been wanting to write here since I woke up this morning. But not I’m so tired that I don’t have it in me to tell you all about that. I’ll save it for another day.

I am feeling better, thought not entirely, from my sickness, and I’ve been going and going all day today. It’s all good. I’m doing things I love, but man, tiiiird.

I have a full day tomorrow, too, but it involves taking an artist date to go look at a small house out in the country that caught my eye and receiving an inquiry session in the afternoon where I’ll realllllly get to rest. Mmmmm thank you ahead of time.

I’m gonna leave this here for tonight with big love coming your way from me.

More soon. Love, love. x

Success!

This morning when I was writing my Morning Pages and feeling sleepy, I told myself that I’d lie down during the day for 20 minutes, and I did!

I have had a very full few days and they promise to go on like that for a spell. This day has been really cool and busy and even included a walk in my favorite close-by state park with a friend whose office backs up to one of the park’s trails — all because I gave a friend a lift to the airport this morning and the park is near there. I had actually put on my to-do list last night, “McKinney Moment.” The park is called McKinney Falls. I love myself!

It felt soooo good to be in bed. I kept getting these jolt-like impulses to get up and keep doing the many things on my list. I was feeling like I could. I was feeling ready to. But I rested instead. I felt the feelings and noticed the images were coming through and let them all pass. I did a quick look for a command not to rest (none). I noticed how tense a lot of my body was until I noticed it, and I sank further down into the pillows.

I felt the luxurious goodness of fresh, white, high quality sheets. I saw trees out the windows. I rested. I picked up my phone once or twice, I admit. And then I set the timer and put it back down.

Lying down in the daytime = success!

More and more, trusting rest.

xo