Come Dine with Me . . .

I got lucky today! My friend Kzee Herz wrote this beautiful poem and agreed to allow me to share it here with you all today. Take a peek at Kzee and her website at the end of this post. Thanks Kzee! You’re the best! Trusting Rest includes it all!

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Come Dine with Me…

What if
we admit to our failings?
What if
we hold our hand up
and whisper
‘I did that…’
What if we turn around,
feel the sorrow,
the mess of who we are?
What if we quit shirking
responsibility
and dive
right into it…
What if
we faced
the unfeeling part,
the unseeing part,
the ‘couldn’t give a shit’ part?
What if
we hold a hand out to it?
Tell that part
how sorry we are,
that we never listened…
that it’s so,
so ok
to feel this way…
What if
we set a place
at the table for
Shame,
Control
and
Fuck This?
What if
we just gave space
and simply
validated them?
Instead of
shunning,
running
the other way…
What if
they were
to begin
to trust
us.
What if
they showed us
how to dance
with them…
and still show up?
What if
Anger
and
Resentment
were invited
to sit down too?
To share
from the crockpot
of blood-curdling rage
that feeds them?
What if
we were to
really see them,
listen to them,
let them be truly
validated
and
held…
What if
Forgiveness
was dessert…
with the
calorific value
of
Self-Acceptance…
What if
we rose
from this table,
to find ourselves
at a banquet,
with row
upon row
of other tables…
Others,
feasting,
dripping,
sobbing…
What if
instead of
a food fight,
we raised a glinting glass,
and toasted one another,
honouring
our own reflections
all around us…
and sipped
on
the wine
of
sweet
compassion.
What if
THIS
was
the
worst
that
could
happen?

Kzee 💕

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Find more from Kzee Herz, fellow Living Inquiries facilitator, Shamanic Healer, Reiki Practitioner, Poet and more at
http://www.nakedpeace.org/

Remembering to Exhale

This picture is the calender entry from today on my Louise Hay‘s page-a-day calendar. It’s perfect because I’ve been wanting to write about noticing when I’m holding my breath. And I do hold my breath sometimes, especially if there’s some fear or tension, even if I’m not consciously aware of it. The breath-holding is a good indicator and allows me to be more conscious.

And it’s as simple as that. Noticing when I haven’t exhaled and exhale.

And if I have the space and time, which I usually do, I can rest even a little more fully and explore, what am I worried about? What is there to fear? Can I rest for a moment and let the feelings and thoughts all come to the surface and come through, or do I tend to exhale and quickly keep bustling on with whatever’s going on in my mind and body still in the background?

In my experience, if I don’t take a full pause to explore, whatever’s up for me will keep coming up until I can really rest with it, really feel it, really experience its nooks and crannies directly. Maybe do a little Inquiry on it. Maybe have a cry. It’s okay!

I’m thankful that I have tools like Living Inquiries (as above) to help with those places or scenarios that are a little stickier or that continue to recur.

I also like to turn my attention to what I love and know I can count on. Inquiry is one thing. Focusing on a creative project is another. Taking a step in a direction of my dreams is another. And then there are the times when I do what I think I “should” be doing and often whatever I’m attempting then fails. It’s as if that breath-holding generates more of the same.

I’m glad you’re riding along with me. What’s it like for you? Do you notice that you’re holding your breath? Can you take the time to stop now and exhale fully? And inhale and exhale again? And how about one more time . . .

❤

Cleaning Out as Resting

A friend taught me that she quietly “defriends” people on Facebook on their birthdays if they’re not people she actually knows or interacts with. I have a big “friends” pile on that site. Some years ago when I was writing a column called Stay Open: Spiritual and Self-Care Space (like an on-line Dear Abby), I was happy to respond to any and all friend requests as a way to increase readership for my column.

I have made lots of wonderful connections. And still, I love to prune and trim as well. Just this morning, I quietly cleaned out a few birthday folks with whom I have no interaction (and whose names I didn’t even recognize). Happiest of Birthdays to y’all!

http://www.keytosimplicity.org/
for organizing assistance!

I came across this photo yesterday of my bedroom closet at my old apartment. I used to do a sweep of the whole place every few months, purging books, clothes, bathroom items — whatever I truly wasn’t using. The intention was to be ready should an Airstream trailer appear at my door.

[I came close! The first time I had The Therapy Booth up in my front yard (as an Artist Date), a guy who’d been doing some yard work a few doors down came by to see what I was up to. He asked me about my “Free, Or Best Offer” rate, and I explained to him that I’d happily take an Airstream trailer if someone came by with one (as a best offer). He told me that, in fact, he’d recently been given one! We even got so far as discussing a borrowing situation. (“You can’t have it, but you could use it . . ..”)]

Anyway, I feel so open and relaxed and liberated the more I purge or prune that which no longer resonates nor serves me.

I’ve been thinking about some friendships that have disappeared over time. I tend to cling and take it personally when I’m the one seemingly left behind. But when I really look, why would I want to force something that’s not resonating for the other person? Often it’s not resonating for me anymore either but my tender ego doesn’t like to feel dumped. Love me some Living Inquiries for those moments (“Where is the one who’s ‘not liked’?”). So awesome.

So I wonder what else I can clean out today, whether in small or grand gestures? And will you join me? And doesn’t it feel so restful to have it done?

Short Moments of Rest: Staying with It

I like a full five-second pause.

Eyes can come closed. Hands stop moving. A full inhale and round the corner to releasing. Or start with the full exhale. Letting all thoughts come to rest. Letting the body settle for that moment.

I’ve practiced taking “short moments of rest” for enough years now that I’ve stopped counting. I’ve heard recommendations of varying (albeit all short) lengths: 2 – 4 seconds, 2 – 5, 3 – 5. It doesn’t really matter, as far as I can tell. A good full pause is a good full pause.

But lately, I’m really enjoying the full five. Staying with it.

What I notice is that I’m more likely to keep resting if I’ve given myself a full five second stop. Inhale, exhale, settle.

I’m really feeling to keep going with the resting right now.

xo

Resting and Contemplating some Big Moves

** After-note **
I notice that this post seems to draw regular viewers, and I’m wondering what is drawing folks. I also notice, as I look over it, that the tone of stress and concern is just not present for me right now. It’s so beautiful to meet these areas as they arise and get to know them. I’m a fan of telling it like it is in the moment but not believing that it’ll always be that way. A great blessing is the direct awareness that everything passes. In resting in that, all is allowed to come through! If I re-wrote this entry, I might change some of the language. For example, “I’m tired of doing things on my own,” might change to how happy I am to welcome and be aware of My Team that has my back and supports resting and creativity and the good life that fosters all of this! With gratitude, carry on.

* * * * *

I’m feeling tired/sleepy this afternoon. It’s 1 pm and I have two more appointments today. I’m feeling to rest right now.

It’s a gorgeous day here in Austin, and either the bed or the couch or the porch is calling to me. We’ll see which one wins.

One nice thing I’m aware of is that I have, in the past, felt really tired a lot of the time. Today’s fatigue is reminding me that I have been feeling more energized lately. That’s awesome!

So . . . trusting rest . . . I’ve been listening to some Abraham lately, and I noticed that they say that they really want us to relax. To chill out. To let the Universe do the heavy lifting. I know that I skate between resting and clinging or resting and worrying/strategizing.

It seems like my mind is pretty quiet right now, or maybe it’s my body that’s settled, and the mind is peeking in here and there. I just received a Living Inquiries session, always good for flushing the variety of energies and seeing things I haven’t seen before. And then letting them come through fully but not having to stay stuck with them. That’s nice.

I’m exploring so much in so many areas of my life right now. They all seem tied together with this imaginary band of . . . how to name it? Maybe there isn’t an imaginary band, either. Something to look for.

. . . . .

I got distracted and wandered over to FB and scrolled a bit and ended up making a post about how I tend to try to do everything on my own and how that’s not sustainable and rarely successful. I’m tired of doing things all on my own and of trying to make it all work. I feel so confident in what I have to offer. I’m just opening my mind/heart/awareness to new opportunities. It’s time for this particular stress to be a thing of the past so that I can really give the world what’s coming through this precious being.

Now for a snack and a little rest before my next meeting.

All love from Texas. x

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If you feel inspired by this exploration and would like to make a donation or contribute in another way, click here.
Thanks, always!

The Right to Be Rich

There is nothing wrong in wanting to get rich. The desire for riches is really the desire for a richer, fuller, and more abundant life — and that desire is praiseworthy. – Wallace Wattles, 1910

I’ve been noticing a few areas where I have some “spiritual” idea that I should not want certain things or I shouldn’t feel certain ways. I recently came across the classic 1910 book by Wallace Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich. I studied this book intently some years ago and did, in fact, experience myself as a creator. I used to say that it was as if magic was shooting out my finger tips. I truly got that I was an inseparable part of life, a life that is throwing itself into form to enjoy itself and experience itself in as many ways as it can (read: infinite).

Then, when I came across non-duality and then started studying with my friend Scott Kiloby, I lost interest in the Wattles book. Which is all good. We change. Our moods shift. And then later I came back to it and realized that Mr. Wattles was speaking his own version of non-duality (see inseparable, above). I also have found that by exploring from a non-dual perspective (that is, finding no separate self) has left me freer now to inhabit this incarnation. It’s what’s appearing! Who am I to interrupt that?

One thing that’s exciting to me about coming back to The Science of Getting Rich now is that it is all about creativity. Wattles makes the distinction between the creative and the competitive planes. We are creative substance and there is no need to compete. We are here to create our greatest joy and greatest variety of experiences.

But I’m sure that somewhere along the lines, I picked up some idea of nobility and poverty. Or that I should be happy with whatever I have and that’s that. Which, in fact, I have learned to be in a big way. I have become very comfortable with just a few dollars in my bank account, not knowing when or from where the next dollars will come. I appreciate this in the flexibility and faith that it fosters. And now I have learned that lesson and back on with allowing myself to experience life as fully as possible, without limitations.

So where does this fit in with trusting rest today? I think it comes down to trusting what resonates. Like I said, I have bought into some ideas that give me a sense of conflict with my desires. Some of these ideas are so sneaky and subtly creeping around somewhere in my psyche that I don’t always notice that I’m having them. Beliefs that I deserve to be poor, for example. But I’m so over that. And it feels great.

Trusting rest is trusting instincts. And trusting my instincts has meant staying really really true to following my heart’s unique guidance. I feel there is such support and affirmation of this, simply in the way I feel as I move through the world right now. It’s as if by trusting rest and trusting my own heart, I actually get out of my own way, and the Divine Selfless Perfection just shines through.

Even though it may appear selfish to some. But why not be selfish? If we are inseparable from anything in creation, why not dote on our-self first and foremost? When we love, appreciate and delight in ourselves, we are praising God.

* * * * *

If you feel inspired by this exploration and would like to make a donation or contribute in another way, click here.
Thanks, always!

No Hurry, No Worry

Photo Credit: http://rvnow.rvtravel.com/2009/08/no-hurry-no-worry.html

When you find yourself hurrying, stop . . .  – Wallace Wattles

Today I made an effort to do something that, in the moment, I was not feeling fully inspired to do. That is, it really felt like a chore. Not the entire thing. I had some moments of enjoying or okayness, but, man, it seemed like gearing up for it and getting through it took all day. It didn’t feel like a good use of my time/energy, once I finally had it done.

I just looked up the definition of hurry. The first listing says to carry or cause to go with haste.

I hurried (even though it seemed to take all day), out of some nervousness perhaps and also from some level of inspiration. I must have been guided somewhat, but I also knew that I was pushing something that felt uphill. It didn’t feel like a natural unfolding in the moment. It was more like, Bang this out so that you can get it off of your mind. I didn’t like the feeling that came with it.

So when I read this definition of hurry — to carry or cause to go with haste — the words “haste makes waste” came to mind.

For me, this means if I’m hurrying, I’m more likely to make a mistake or drop or break something and thereby slow myself down and take more time, not to mention the loss of whatever I spilled. Wasted time and materials.

In contemplating how I was feeling upon finishing my task today, I noticed that I had thoughts saying that didn’t seem like a good use of my time. Like the day was gone and what did I have to show for it? (Funny, as I’m reading over this now, at 10:00 at night, after I’ve now facilitated an LI session, written my Soul Pages and played guitar for a while, I’m glad to have the class announcement done. And I knew I would be, but still . . . )

I feel kind of split on it. The task today was getting a webpage set up and some emails and posts sent out for a class I’m offering for Valentine’s Day (Self-Loving through Creativity). I feel happy about the class, and I love the hands-on teaching moments, but I get bogged down in the administrative business anymore. My favorite part of the preparation today was doodling the process ahead of time. I doodled pictures of getting the computer work done easily. I created sold-out sections of both the in-person and pending on-line version of the class. And best of all, I created a picture of me with my happy participants.

It’s interesting to notice my feelings even as I typed that. I noticed feeling uplifted, lighter and more open, when I wrote about this last doodle. Amazing. And, yes, that felt like a really good way to spend my time today. In my Soul Pages tonight I wrote that I’m happiest when I’m making art.

So what of the other time? (Something good to do a little inquiry on: time/spending time/wasting time.)

I’m not used to doing much that I don’t feel inspired to do. I feel this is an on-going lesson and exploration. It’s part of the un-winding of beliefs and ingrained reality systems.

Because I’m more and more used to moving only with the gentle winds (or stronger, more obvious gales) of guidance, today’s experience of sort of pushing to stay with and on the task stood out for me.

I haven’t drawn any full conclusions, one way or the other. Which is all for the best anyway. One conclusion comes and goes just as the next. We can rest and watch them go.

P.S. Doodle Booth tomorrow (Wednesday)! Join us for good expressive fun!

Not Following Thoughts, Just to See . . .

I woke up this morning with the thought, “I’m not going to follow any thoughts today.”

And then I cracked up because that, too, was a thought.

Or what we’ve named thought. I don’t really know what it is. In inquiry, I sometimes refer to thoughts as “internal sounds.” Right now I can hear the heater fan “externally”. I can also hear the sound of my fingernails hitting the keys of the computer as I type. And at the same time, I can “hear” (is it really hearing? What IS this?) the words I’m typing as I’m typing them. Or maybe they come slightly before.

As a lifelong writer, this is something I’ve been aware of. That there is a sound (I call it) that I hear in my mind (where is THAT??) just before a word is written or typed. Try it out. Writing by hand makes it even more obvious.

So the thoughts (or whatever it is — electrical impulses moving in the brain? — notice there’s a slight sensation that happens when “thinking” occurs too . . . ) arise. There’s no question about that. So what?

Does it mean they have to be followed?

As our friends Scott Kiloby and Colette Kelso expanded the Living Inquiries to include the Compulsion Inquiry, they began to tune in to what we call the “ghost image”. Ghost images are flashes that happen, usually subconsciously, that often end up directing movement. Notice for yourself. If you’re sitting on the couch and feel hungry, you may begin to get quick visual flashes (once again, are they actually visual? where are they appearing? I don’t know how it works, but I do experience them!) of the kitchen or the refrigerator or the taco stand across the street. Often what happens next is a feedback loop of the body’s response to that quick flash of an image, and, next thing we know, we’re feeding our faces. Not that eating is a problem! But it’s interesting to notice the mechanism.

So this morning as I’m thinking (hee hee) about not following thought, I’m aware of not only the “internal sounds” but also of the images that are coming through, and, perhaps most importantly, how my body feels when these thoughts arise.

Often there’s an unconscious drive to soothe those sensations that has us follow our thoughts into either actions out of nervousness or into further thoughts to try to calm ourselves down or to resolve something (that we think needs to be resolved).

So, for the sake of playing along, what if I don’t do anything with any of it? What if I make room for the thoughts to come all the way through, to notice the ghost images, and to open to the sensations, but I don’t do anything immediately with them? What if I take short moments of rest with each impulse. Will the day still unfold?

Well, as it turns out, this morning I have done some writing, answered some emails and handled some scheduling that I needed to tend to. I have actually interrupted my typical morning routine of Morning Pages and oil swishing for focusing on these communications while the iron was hot, as it were. I didn’t think about it (or did I?). It just seemed to happen this way.

And we’ll just see how the day continues. What if I’m not pulled by my body’s sensations, by the flashing images in my mind’s eye, or by the “internal sounds” that seem to guide me through the day and tell me what’s what?

Trust rest, baby. All the way. We don’t have to think our way through life. (And with that, I can rest and watch that thought coming and going too.) ❤

Photo Credit: http://pocketperspectives.com/2012/04/18/dongoth-dont-go-there/

Sleepy, Spontaneity and Miraculous

Just noticing this afternoon, when I finally had a chance to sit really still, how super tired I feel today! I’ve been in a good mood. The sun is shining for the first time in days and days, and it’s such a relief. I had some successes and synchronicities this morning, and my attention was attuned to the miraculous.

It’s even miraculous that I am aware of feelings of tired-ness. That I have language that comes out in sounds: ty-r-d.

I just finished receiving a Living Inquiries session. In these sessions, we become relaxed and drop into our bodies and rest the mind as we explore what’s appearing in our awareness. Throughout the entire session, I was holding myself back from fully falling asleep.

As you know, sleeping in the day is something I consider a success! To me, it shows that there’s been some good old letting go. Releasing. Not stressing such that I’m just doing doing doing.

Feels good to wind down.

sunshine gratitude selfie

One of the cool synchronicities today happened while I was driving this morning. I was in a positive orientation, and I didn’t feel to listen to any songs on the radio that were stressful or sad. So I kept moving through my stations and I clicked on the NPR station, mostly expecting to hear news that I didn’t want to hear (and since I’ve been invited not to listen to the news for the duration of the Burn the Leash course, I wouldn’t have stayed if it was). But it wasn’t news. It was a national call-in show where they were talking about The Way of Spontaneity. Here’s a link to hear the show.

I am experiencing miracles everywhere.

Mantra. ❤

I’m super ready to rest. xo

Resting in the Heart of Change

I don’t usually write this blog before Morning Pages, but I turned on the computer early to send a Doodle Booth reminder for today’s class, and here I am.

Things have been feeling pretty intense for me the past few days. Seems like some of the work I’m doing is stirring up all sorts of stuff. The pages a day of Soul Writing, added to my contemplating and drawing a map of my Kingdom of the Past (for the Burn the Leash class that I’m taking) have all been intense! I kind of like it and I kind of don’t. But here I am. I’m in the game.

During this three week course that I’m in, we’ve been invited not to watch the news. I don’t watch the news anyway, so I’ve adjusted that to not scrolling my Facebook newsfeed, even though this morning I felt like I wanted to (but I didn’t). I’ve noticed that that kind of looking, when I have 1500 + “friends” on Facebook, leaves me open to all sorts of information and opinions and feelings and thoughts that I did not specifically seek out. It’s not a baby with the bathwater sort of thing, though. Facebook has been a conduit to some major things in my life:

– connecting with a sweetheart I met on a ferry in Greece 20 years ago and developing a live, beautiful and current (well, it was current in 2010) international romance and near miss engagement

– connecting with dozens (if not more) folks through the Be Here Now blog project (also in 2010 . . . hmmm I’m seeing a theme here) that eventually led to my being gifted an amazing trip to Maui, along with a life-changing retreat with Ram Dass and friends (in 2013)

– being introduced to Scott Kiloby, who became an important teacher, mentor, friend and, eventually, co-worker collaborator. Hey, we also met in 2010!

These don’t even really scratch the surface, but they are three major areas that I’ve considered recently.

As I’ve probably written about here before, I’ve noticed that I’ve developed a belief that electronic communication (specifically email and Facebook) are the sources of my well-being. That most of my work in the last several years, whether new clients or referrals or just general interest-raising, has come through these media. I feel, however, that any more, I don’t use them skillfully and that I’m more and more called to be more and more in-person — or just keeping quiet — than on-line.

I say that now, but often when I make some grand announcement that it’s time to pull back from these things, I end up finding a new love for them.

In the world of resting and deep exploration these days, I’m listening closely to my inner guidance. The Soul Pages reminded me the other day of the Tim Ferris tip from The Four Hour Workweek: look at email no more than twice a day, at 11 a.m. and 4 p.m., for example. Eventually, he recommends (at least in that book — I don’t know if he’s updated it since original publication) getting down to once or twice a week. I love that idea, though it seems like a big stretch for me and where I am right now.

But what of it? I’m often so much more content and peaceful on days I take fully away from email and FB. Often I’ll give myself a little few day vacation. But other days, I might say, “Okay, I’m not looking at those things again today,” but before I know it, my hands are clicking that little globe circle on my smartphone, and off I go. It’s so much less efficient because I read things but I don’t always respond to them when it’s that more compulsive versus intentional checking.

I’ve done a bit of Compulsion Inquiry on looking at the phone or the computer, and, with a good facilitator, I’ve had some really good breaks; but with my wiring and habits, the compulsion has, so far, ramped up again.

I don’t have any conclusions to put in here right now. I’m just sharing some thoughts and where I seem to be.

There seems to be so much shifting for me and so much getting unearthed right now, I see the potential for some major changes. Perhaps it’s simply that I will continue to listen to my soul and that the activities it leads me to will naturally reduce the ones that I’m less led to. I will discover new worlds outside of my electronic communities. Or maybe the electronics will get a rebirth. Who knows what’s to come?

Today, it’ll be Morning Pages and some oil swishing and preparing for and leading Doodle Booth (can’t wait!) and continuing with my Soul Pages and homework for Burn the Leash . . . and finding rest in the heart of change.

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If you feel inspired by this exploration and would like to make a donation or contribute in another way, click here.
Thanks, always!