Today I cut my toe nails. I sat on a step outside with a towel under my feet and clipped my little growing things that I’ve been wanting to clip for days.
Yesterday I julienned a sweet potato, now ready to be made into baked yummy fries. The potato had sat on counters and traveled with me for a few weeks, at least. I felt some agitation when I looked at it until yesterday when I stopped and questioned the agitation. I looked right at it the vegetable to see if it contained a command to cook it. Huh. It didn’t. That’s weird, but cool, I thought.
And lo and behold, soon after, i find myself with my knife in my hand, cutting the thing into ample matchsticks, and saying to myself how easy it [was].
I have felt that same type of inner drive sensation today. I want to write my 1000 words and get them over with (gosh that truly sounds uninspired, but there it is). I’ve been wanting to make puppets as gifts for my mom and sister, and I’ve been anxiously staring at some ribbons I use for hair that are sitting on the table. I haven’t had the energy or momentum to make a puppet — just a bit of angst. Mother’s Day is coming up in a few days. I guess they wouldn’t have arrived by then anyway. But that’s worth a look, too. Do those shiny, curly things on the table contain a command to make a puppet?
They do seem so, a little bit.
That simply means I’m feeling a reaction to what I’m seeing combined with that question. And so I may rest and feel my sensations directly and not rush to any conclusion or specific question or anything at all. Just let my body be open and rest here. (No, no command found in that feeling either.)
I’m aware today of that feeling, like a stream steadily running under ground, of must-keep-moving.
This morning during Morning Pages, I offered myself another opportunity to play with some 10s, like I did last summer. This time, rather than six or more, I gave myself three. Three 10s for the next three days (including today), as I will move location on the fourth day.
1. 10 minutes of cleaning. I have found myself rushed and stressed on the days I’m leaving here, getting hungry and always taking longer than I had planned to get the place in tip top shape. Plus my friend told me I’d missed a few spots before, so I really want to make it nice. I ended up doing more like 45 minutes (dusting only), but I did it well and was relaxed and I’m really glad to have that done. But I would only have “had” to do 10, according to this plan.
2. 10 minutes of tying up loose ends. My intention today was to cut my toe nails (done!!) and sort out my Netflix account (cancel mine, email my people who share it with me, log in to the friend’s who has offered to share his now). I didn’t get that all completed, but I did chat with a friendly guy at N’flix and get the information I needed and send a relevant email. Good job, me! Also the guy at N’flix said I could strike up a conversation with their PR department to see if they would like to do some doodling.
3. 10 minutes of meditation/rest. Amen and hallelujah. I so often don’t realize how much I miss that little bit of in the moment wind down that a fully committed 10 (+) minutes gives. For years I did so much “resting in awareness” and LI sessions, I didn’t feel drawn to sitting. Nowadays, I find it so soothing, familiar, fresh and helpful. And clarifying. It helped me see to come here to write first and then go on to the 1000 words. I may even take a lot of this (we’re at 656 and counting) and transfer it over. Or something of the ilk.
And also that little meditation helped me see/feel more clearly that impulse to be doing doing doing. It has a bit of fear beneath it and a bit of separation anxiety. But all is well and there is neither anything to fear or anything separate.
A long post, but sweet. xx
trustrest.wordpress.com 