Writing Mother’s Day

It’s Mother’s Day today. I dreamed about my mother last night. It was very emotional. Also, after peeing around 0700, I slept until almost 11. I woke up with my eyes super puffy and almost didn’t recognize myself when I went to the mirror to lavish myself with love, appreciation and approval.

Then, after Morning Pages, I got all wild while looking at Facebook (of course). I felt such an urge to write, write, write. I took a day off yesterday from my 1000 words. I was glad enough to do so, although if I’d been more awake last night, I could have written. I have so much coming through right now.

Meanwhile, I’m here at the Tree House whose next renter arrives tomorrow. I’ve been doing a bit of cleaning each day the past few days (see 10s, below), but I don’t really feel like I’m making a dent in it. I mean, I’m still living and sleeping and showering and eating in here. I guess I just make a mess.

I could spend all day cleaning today, but I must write. I must. I must. I am.

I have thoughts like Writer seeks place to write. And I dig the excitement of finally feeling like I want to spend as much time as I feel writing today. The writer who got cut off by the college teacher in 1989 is finally re-emerging, and it’s awesome.

Today may have been the first day that I had such a direct craving.

Now I can hear the mother (grandmother) in the back yard next door who’s talking on the phone. Makes me realize how I must be heard when I’m out here, too.

Anyway, the reason a permanent wonderful home is right for me is that I don’t want to spend my time/energy/direction cleaning the house and packing up my shit again to move. I want to write.

And so, right now, I am. (A wee puff helps. I’ll say it.)

This morning’s Morning Pages inspired doodle. Yes, I.

I did talk to my mom, by the way. I feel better and also . . . I feel. Lots to feel on this day and tons of words to be written. See you soon! xx

Following Rest

Hello dear ones. Are you out there reading?

I’m here relaxing this evening, at last. After the allergic reaction, whatever it was, I felt I needed to leave the house where I was. (The family was totally cool.) Strangely, before the house sit began, and before I even went over to pick up the key, I had a hunch that there was going to be an allergy issue there. Before I’d settled on the house sit, I’d been deeply feeling my long-term home being ready for me. I wonder if, in part, I didn’t want this house sit to work out, having been hopeful . . .

Well anyway, no use in obsessing over thoughts, memories, projections. I’m really tired tonight. But I feel good. Better anyway. I’ve washed my clothes and body and hair to remove allergens, I’m in a familiar place, at least for the night, and I hope to get a good sleep.

I have a REST Room call in the morning, and you’re welcome to join me. All of the info is at this link. I feel so happy that this is the sort of thing I get to do on a Sunday morning. I’m blessed. No doubt.

I have so much that I could share tonight, but I’m sure it’ll come up later. Or not. I’m more interested in resting. Letting the mind rest. Letting the churning for plans rest. Nothing at all to worry about tonight. Not one single thing.

Trusting rest for me is trusting my body and trusting that I’m guided as I need to be. Sitting in this quiet, comfortable, familiar and clean home, I know that I’m guided, gently, always in the right time.

I’m so sleepy I’m not actually sure how much sense, if any, this is making.

Just sending some love and rest encouragement. Why not find out what happens when everything rests?

C’est la vie. Let’s rest.

I’ve been noticing in the last few days a pushing, pushing, pushing. Efforting. Trying too hard. Trying to get to something. Feeling weighty responsibility. Applying extra thought, extra urgency.

It is contrary to trusting rest but the good news is, rest rights itself.

I got the message the other day, “Have no thought for the morrow,” when wondering when will I have a home? When do I get to take my stuff out of my friends’ attic and spread it out around me? When do I get to live unencumbered by obligations and other people’s spaces? Not that it’s been bad. All things considered, it’s been a very lovely last couple of years. And closer to two and a half now, I find that I fight against the current moment (which is pretty much all in my head and body), and strain with that urgency of attempted manifestation. This is a nuance I’m interested in, for surely the intention is not for struggle.

It’s just nice to see, and I’m very, very thankful for a restful afternoon in a quiet space, with no anticipated interruptions tonight. Also I’m offering a REST Room call at 6 pm Central that I, of course, get to benefit from.

I feel, as I’m contemplating, that I’ve been pushing myself too hard. That I’m working on things that I love, but I’m not giving myself as much space and flexibility. I’m playing with this balance.

I’m going to lie down now. I imagine that the energy behind the pushing is simply fear and disbelief. And those thoughts may always be there. C’est la vie. Let’s rest.

Join me on Skype tonight at 6 Central for some goooood rest.

 

Trusting Rest = Artist’s Way = True North

Trusting rest this evening, I got an Artist’s Way exercise done that I thought I would likely put off forever. It had to do with selecting a goal and then feeling into what the essence of that goal is (this one for me was: relaxation, privacy, comfort, flexibility). Then the exercise has you list goals, from five years out to today. This is what mine looked like — What I can do in each of these time periods to achieve my goal, including an action choice for right now:

5 years: yoga

3 years: be uncompromising

one year: trust rest

one month: finish(ing) Artist’s Way (I’m on Week 8)

NOW: write my blog

action choice: yoga & blog

I had opened up the computer earlier to write here and I felt a little too in my head. So I closed my eyes and rested. Within a few moments, I found myself turning off all screens and resting, eyes closed, just being with the moment. I started my day leading a REST Room call that was tremendous and set my body into feeling wide open for most of the day. This little sitting tonight expanded that even more and once again.

In attempting to answer one question on the AW exercise , I was stumped, and eventually I just wrote something that I realized later was like a should, like an instruction for someone else, not me. When I reviewed what I’d written, I got a strong feeling in my body that didn’t resonate with “make a house-sitting website” under something I can do this year, in the world we inhabit, to move me toward my goal (my own lovely place that I can come and go from, comfortably and unencumbered). So I crossed it out and wrote, “Stay open.”

Trusting rest = the Artist’s Way = know thyself.