A Long Stretch of Rest

I’ve been aware that I haven’t been writing on this blog in a spell. Looks like the last post was about a week ago.

I was inspired by the vision of the Day of Rest. I told some people about it at a party, and they said, “We’re in!” Maybe it’s time to go ahead and set that up . . .

I have visions to fulfill!

While I haven’t been writing here, I did have a few or more busy days with moving hither and yon and several really sweet and awesome, engaging events. At one of them, I got to facilitate a room full of partiers into resting. We also doodled, which, for a moment, brought the room to silence, until the wonderful eruption of sharing when I split them into small groups to show what they’d made.

Then I even got to perform some songs, what with another guitar player, a backup singer and a microphone. I’m growing!

I’m writing this now from bed where I’m lounging nice and late and I’m swishing oil all around my mouth.

I am also writing from my #writercation. I set up some guidelines for myself at the start of this thing. I’m focused on getting my book ready to go to the publisher in mid-September. It’s bringing up lots of excitement, doubts and fears. But mostly good stuff. I’m also making room for all the other stuff . . .

. . . journaling lists of fears and concerns, just to get ’em out . . . contemplating when I’ve felt that feeling before. Good stuff!

One section of the book I wrote yesterday talked about how I discovered doodling to be __________ and then I inserted all these descriptive words. But I decided last night that I don’t want to tell my readers how to feel. I’ll be happy to have them discover that for themselves.

This morning I’m happy, as always, for the touchstone of the Trust Rest blog. There is lots of resting during this #writercation, too, and lots of following my creative bliss. I feel very fortunate and hope to present many more awesome reports along the way. And I know that I can be exactly as I am, moment to moment, and if I need a chance to rest with that, this page is a great place to do so.

With gratitude,

Carina x

How Much Do I Trust Life?

I’m feeling great right now. Colorful, peaceful, without concern, easy, fresh, chill. The previous four days have been a different story. I was having a very intense menstrual period with a lot of persistent physical pain and a heavy, depressed general sense of being.

Yesterday morning I woke up just feeling so heavy and blue and yuck and there was the aching that goes from my lower back and abdomen down through my groin and legs — still — and I just felt so fed up. I couldn’t get myself up to eat breakfast. I wrote extra morning pages, ranted on the computer some, and eventually turned off the phone and laptop, putting a pillow over my head and going back to sleep. The ONLY thing I could do for myself was fully relax as much as I could. Just fucking let go.

It felt like relief.

And it was during that time that I felt into this question: How much do I trust life? How much can I really, truly give over and let go? I don’t experience there to be an option, actually, ultimately. It’s like learning to drive in a whole different way. So much about this time for me is like a new hatchling, a new form or consciousness or something, learning a totally fresh way of being.

The day went on yesterday, and I still felt agitated but was letting some of it come out in a Facebook chat about not wanting to be lip serviced when I’m feeling like shit, and I was really pleased that I didn’t back off of the conversation just because I was a little embarrassed or because it didn’t look nice. F nice. I mean, you know. The moment is the moment.

Last night I went to a sleepover for some little girls (12 of them!) and doodled with them. I had the feeling it would change my channel, even the whole way over there, I was struggling. Running late. Rainy night. Long drive. Coming off of the FB chat stirred up energy.

(I loved that the development where I was headed was dedicated to national parks, and the house was on Crater Lake Bend.)

And as soon as I arrived at the door, everything changed. 12 little faces (“Hello, Miss Missy!” “Are you sleeping over?” “The artist is here!” Wow. Love).

And – boom – we were off to the races. I felt really great that it went so well. The adults doodled too and the kids were awesome and time went really fast. And I’ll get paid for it, and at the end one of the adults said, “I want to hire you.”

I love what I do and I get paid really well for it. ❤

AND yesterday morning, I couldn’t have affirmed anything like that with any feeling of alignment or authentic good cheer.

But here’s the thing: alignment is taking the best care possible in the moment, however the moment appears. Putting the pillow on my head because I couldn’t even get up to turn off the light. Turning off the phone. Not writing on the blog. Breathing. As much as possible. Rounding the edges wherever possible. If a bit of relief comes from arguing a point in a Facebook chat, take it. If it comes from sleeping, coloring, showering or nothing really, all we need to do is our very best that we can for ourselves. We can trust our instincts. We can trust rest.

Never throughout this intense week did I ever lose my sense of self-love. If I imagined some negative self thoughts coming, I would look at them pretty quickly and, yeah, I guess I was affirming: I love myself. And I do. And the self-abuse would drop right away. And it’s easy to do. I’m in the mirror all the time: I love you. You’re amazing. Life loves me. In all these ways . . .

and it really works. I have more to say on that topic but this is enough for now.

Love love and take care of yourselves. ❤ Trust rest, darlings. You’ll get up again. You don’t have to force anything.