Ripple in Still Water

I just had a profound experience that I feel like sharing somewhere. Might as well stick it on my bloggy, right?

I have been learning to play and sing the quintessentially beloved Grateful Dead song, Ripple. I have been feeling some stress/melancholy the past few days, today included. All is well. I gave myself a chance to express.

On a whim, I made a YouTube video of myself singing the song.

In my Landmark Success Seminar, this week I’ve taken on expanding my success in the world of looking good. That is, I have taken on that even though life is always about looking good, I don’t have to be ruled by that. So in this video, I look a little stoned, flat, chinny. Lol. But I didn’t change it or try to make another one where I look better.

I uploaded it directly. I sent it off to my sweetheart for whom I’ve been longing to the point of a tummy ache. Repression sucks. Holding out for the sake of looking good sucks.

I want, more than anything, to be known, and yet it occurs as scary for me. But I am living in the possibility of taking risks, in the most positive way. It’s a theme I keep hearing around me. Life is supporting this direction of exploration.

And nudging me like that. So anyway, I made the video and sent it off the the wayward love and then watched it. Yesterday I’d turned on the auto-play switch on YouTube while listening to some Abraham videos. Today, after my version of Ripple, up came the Grateful Dead’s version of it from two weeks ago at the Fare The Well shows. I hadn’t seen or heard it, but I had been inspired by those shows and the energy around them to learn to play the song.

I loved that the next video in line after mine was that one. It was extremely moving AND now that I know how to play the song and had my guitar in my hand already, I was able to play along. I felt like I was there with the people and that we are all — including the band — still very connected. The clarity (again and again) that this deal is WAY MORE THAN JUST A BAND moved me to tears, which are always a relief.

I’m proud of myself for giving up looking good today. For telling my dude that my stomach hurt with missing him and showing him the stoney, chinny video.

I was rewarded with that deep Grateful Dead connection and access to my place amongst it all.

I’ve been fighting a lot with my state of being and my obsessions these last days, and it’s so uncomfortable. I’m relieved to be feeling at peace right now.

Also I’m committed to working on something today that seems so scary, but it can’t possibly be. Resting, exploring resistance, loving myself tenderly, and seeing what comes. There’s no rush today. It’s important, but I can breathe.